A Guide to getting your car stuck in the desert

After a recent adventure in the desert.

1) Do not plan in the slightest. Don't let it enter your brain that you will get stuck.

2) Do not stop at petrol stations to either A) Refuel B) Stock up on water etc.

3) Do have people of importance in the car. A mother in law, boss, or anyone you are not trying to impress.

4) If it has been raining abandon attempt. If so preferably in the summer monthes when the sand is real hot.

5) There is much debate on when to get your car stuck. Some people opt for the early morning thereby having the whole day to make it worse. i prefer the period just before sunset. You have got stuck, you know you are not going to have much light left to solve the probelm hence panicking and making an even bigger mess of it. This is the most efficient way.

6) When choosing a dune to get stuck in, look for an area of sand which is sitting on top of an existing hard dune. This dune is recognizable by having no vegetation on top whatsoever.

7) Approach sand dune with sun behind you so you can safely judge how far you are from the edge.

8) When you are on top of the dune, ensure that you slam the brakes on real hard, therefore making sure the front wheels are well and trully stuffed.

9) Pretend not to be able to engage your 4wd Diff lock and repeatedly press the accelerator to further bog you down. If you own a shovel, let someone help you put some more sand under the car. You can also let another person try as this means they are not in sync and make it even worse.

10) You will know you are stuck when the sand is up to your chassis and you cant see you wheels.

11) It is also preferable to ensure that your tyres are up to maximum pressure.

12) An added option is to ask help from an idiot who will then proceed to try and tow your car out sideways, thereby snapping the axle.

13) And if you really want to go the whole nine yards, ensure that your bonnet has been pranged and the cooling fan does not work. If you havent had a prang I find shoving a screwdriver in the radiator and fan does a good job of sorting this out. This will mean your car will overheat. Remeber we didnt have any water.

14) Walk away from the car do not look back and ensure you have taken everything out of the car that has your name on it, including the rego plates. This is to ensure that if someone nicks it and decides to do naughty things, its not traceble to you.

15) Walk to nearest road. Once again this depends on how brave you are. For maximum muppet points, get stuck in as far as possible from any civilization. (In the UAE this would be: 23-05'- 11.43"N 52-42'28.28" E, or somewhere out in the Liwa desert)

16) Now this is a really important step, ensure that it is a Thursday so you cannot call any of your mates to come pick you up coz they are all in the pub getting drunk.

17) Eventually get home and forget about what happened. Lets be honest you've got three weeks at least to have a good laugh about it. The desert moves fast when its windy.

18) Go back with a mate, preferably in his new car to try and find the car. If you do happen to come across a sort of car looking dune, you've been successful.

Added Bonus Points:

A) In mates car, let down tyres until car is sitting on its rim

B) Shred a tyre a mates car

C) Get a dodgy tow truck to pick you up

D) Go to only petrol station which is closed and air pump doesnt work

Airport Transport Service

Why is it that when you pick people up from the airport, they are so inconsiderate that they choose the most stupid 'o' clock time to arrive. As I am normally picking people up from the airport that are arriving from Australia, this is normally around 6 in the morning. Not being a particularily good morning person, I find it quite disturbing that I have to hang around being grumpy for the rest of the day just because I had to pick a loved one up.

I did it this morning, got there for the 6 'o' clock flight from Brisbane, stupidly hadn't checked the timing of the actual flight arrival. I then proceeded to spend the next 2 hours wandering around like a spare prick at a wedding with a very bad self induced headache. Ugh!

They've also installed these fans outside the arrival lounge which blow mist on you, quite refreshing, but if you hang around long enough, approximately 45 minutes, you get drenched!

More Salik Crap!!! Enough Already!!!

I am not very good at this blog thing am I?!?! Being as my last post was a few months ago, I felt it about time to stick a new one in, and then have a break for another couple of months.

Low and behold, what did I get in my inbox today? A petition from some muppets to try and change the road toll known as Salik. If you are that way inclined feel free to click on the link below and petition away.

http://www.petitiononline.com/RtaSalik/petition.html

The last time I joined a petition, at least it meant something to me. Save our bloody beach. Well that sort of happened, only for them to start dredging and build another bloody island, or as they like to call it, a beach extension. If you were going to petition this, shouldnt you have done this a long time ago.

Now lets get this straight, what is wrong with a road toll system. Every major city in the world has some sort of toll, if you have to pay you have to pay. I personally will be very happy when it opens because when all you moaners have buggered off to find other routes and congesting every other major road in the process, not too mention sitting in traffic like you do now for hours on end, I will happily be bombing it down the highway getting to my destination a hell of a lot quicker. The reason I take this stance is because I very rarely go Dubai way at all as I live the right side of Junction 4, and therefore will be more than happy to pay 4 Dhs each time I go through.

Before you start your arguments, yes I do know that there is know public transport infrastucture, yes I do know the roads make no sense, and yes I do know that it is highway robbery. You know what though, there is nothing we can do about other than deal with it. Get over tyourselves.

P.S: Just imagine when Dubai airport starts charging exit taxes at the airports. Oh! I cant wait for that to happen and listen to you lot.

Another beach lost in Dubai

I keep asking myself Why? Why do we need another hotel / resort / multimillion dollar complex? Why does Dubai need to keep stripping down public places of fun and enjoyment and turning them into another private money making fake spinoff? The only answer which I can possibly come up with is greed. For a city as forward thinking as Dubai, it has no concept of what the people that actually live here want. The only sort of comparison I can make about living in this city is that of being a staff member in Disney Land. The only people that Dubai really caters for without getting involved in the business side of things is the tourist on a dodgy package. Now don't get me wrong, Dubai has a lot to offer in terms of making a living, but it has made the fundamental crossover of having people working to live rather than living to work. What do you do on a weekend or any time off that you get? Beaches are closed, the Jebel Ali beaches are an absolute mess, Hatta looks terrible, even the desert, which is supposed to be sacred looks like a dumping ground for rubbish.

I don't mean to have a rant here, but for a city to be successful it has to cater for the people that actually live here as well as people that are just visiting. Without their happiness there can be no city, people will leave, people will go home to their own countries. Unfortunately I can't, this is my country. Is it time now to stand up and let these multi-million dollar companies hear a common voice that we don't want another resort on one of the only public beaches this side of town?

Then again, maybe I have got it all wrong. Who needs a beach where your public can relax after a stressful week? Who needs a beach where sometimes the surf gets up and you can catch a pre-work wave (although not that big)?

What do you guys think?