After a recent adventure in the desert.
1) Do not plan in the slightest. Don't let it enter your brain that you will get stuck.
2) Do not stop at petrol stations to either A) Refuel B) Stock up on water etc.
3) Do have people of importance in the car. A mother in law, boss, or anyone you are not trying to impress.
4) If it has been raining abandon attempt. If so preferably in the summer monthes when the sand is real hot.
5) There is much debate on when to get your car stuck. Some people opt for the early morning thereby having the whole day to make it worse. i prefer the period just before sunset. You have got stuck, you know you are not going to have much light left to solve the probelm hence panicking and making an even bigger mess of it. This is the most efficient way.
6) When choosing a dune to get stuck in, look for an area of sand which is sitting on top of an existing hard dune. This dune is recognizable by having no vegetation on top whatsoever.
7) Approach sand dune with sun behind you so you can safely judge how far you are from the edge.
8) When you are on top of the dune, ensure that you slam the brakes on real hard, therefore making sure the front wheels are well and trully stuffed.
9) Pretend not to be able to engage your 4wd Diff lock and repeatedly press the accelerator to further bog you down. If you own a shovel, let someone help you put some more sand under the car. You can also let another person try as this means they are not in sync and make it even worse.
10) You will know you are stuck when the sand is up to your chassis and you cant see you wheels.
11) It is also preferable to ensure that your tyres are up to maximum pressure.
12) An added option is to ask help from an idiot who will then proceed to try and tow your car out sideways, thereby snapping the axle.
13) And if you really want to go the whole nine yards, ensure that your bonnet has been pranged and the cooling fan does not work. If you havent had a prang I find shoving a screwdriver in the radiator and fan does a good job of sorting this out. This will mean your car will overheat. Remeber we didnt have any water.
14) Walk away from the car do not look back and ensure you have taken everything out of the car that has your name on it, including the rego plates. This is to ensure that if someone nicks it and decides to do naughty things, its not traceble to you.
15) Walk to nearest road. Once again this depends on how brave you are. For maximum muppet points, get stuck in as far as possible from any civilization. (In the UAE this would be: 23-05'- 11.43"N 52-42'28.28" E, or somewhere out in the Liwa desert)
16) Now this is a really important step, ensure that it is a Thursday so you cannot call any of your mates to come pick you up coz they are all in the pub getting drunk.
17) Eventually get home and forget about what happened. Lets be honest you've got three weeks at least to have a good laugh about it. The desert moves fast when its windy.
18) Go back with a mate, preferably in his new car to try and find the car. If you do happen to come across a sort of car looking dune, you've been successful.
Added Bonus Points:
A) In mates car, let down tyres until car is sitting on its rim
B) Shred a tyre a mates car
C) Get a dodgy tow truck to pick you up
D) Go to only petrol station which is closed and air pump doesnt work
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1 comment:
Good words.
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